Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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