so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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