Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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