Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
