everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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