I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
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Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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