I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
