I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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