just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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