Will you blow on my dice?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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