please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
