Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
