You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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