Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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