Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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