i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
