from now on my penis is your penis
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
