so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
