The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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