Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
