Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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