I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
