I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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