I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
