im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
