dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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