i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
