you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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