omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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