Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
