i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
