So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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