Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
