we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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