I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
