I have demons in me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
