i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it glows. i had to have it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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