he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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