Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
