Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Boobs speak an international language.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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