mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
