Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
