you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
