In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
