There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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