i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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