Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
