I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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