my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Everyone says I win the strip club
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
