Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
