rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Text me some of your sweat
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
