I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
