he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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