it hurts more in the daytime
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
