question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
