Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
