You're completely useless in the revolution.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
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you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
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I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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