He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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