Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
