Apparently you make a good broom.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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