physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We named our party play list daddy issues
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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