Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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