well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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