i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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