Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
