omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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