Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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