Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
