My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
