fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
