I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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