Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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