I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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