wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
