i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
